Let’s Talk About Prostate …


… Exams. Specifically, what they call Digital Rectal Examinations (DRE). These are done by “Doctors” for many reasons, to both male and female patients. But for some reason the females do not complain about it as much as the males do. Or at least I don’t hear them complain as much. Although, I have to say, there are not very many females I am familiar enough with to receive comments about medical procedures. So, in fairness, I should say that maybe they do complain as much, I just don’t hear them.

The process is simple, and well-known to most adults. The Prober has the Probee get into some posture that allows anal access and then inserts a (lubricated and gloved) finger into the anus to feel around. After a short time, the finger is withdrawn and the Prober advises the Probee to wipe the grease from their posterior.

It is not typically an onerous procedure. Unpleasant but not uncomfortable. Unless the Prober has Large Fingers. I have switched doctors because they had large diameter fingers, and when I am in doctor selection mode, I try to judge their finger size remotely. For example, females normally have smaller hands than males, so you increase your odds of a small finger by choosing one of them. But that is no guarantee. Just as woman may have large hands, men can have small hands (witness the current President, who, I might add parenthetically, is going to have us all bending over. No grease, no glove. BOHICA). And the bios of the physicians never say anything about relative finger size. That is at least as important as which languages they speak.

But that’s not why I called this meeting. I used to think that the DRE’s (speaking of that, KP in the military has a job called DRO – Dining Room Orderly – but that is an entirely different thing) were unnecessary procedures, used to make more money for the Prober during a physical. Now, I am not so sure. You see, in addition to feeling for tumors and rectal abscesses and fissures and such, it also allows the doctor to determine if an enlarged prostate is causing peeing problems. You need to pee.

So I advise you to put up with DRE’s even though they are not Fun. I am trying to convince myself of that.